[Naruto] The Kunoichi's Guide to Dealing With PMS When On Missions

[runespoor]

I’ve claimed KabuHina (crazy I know, but at least I know I’m somewhat interested in that) and SasuSaku (whatwaitwhat I’ve never written them and I don’t even canon-ship them and I like NaruSakuSasu better in fanon and aaaaah Sakura what did you make me do) at 1sentence.

Until then, have an unplanned fic.

Title: The Kunoichi's Guide to Dealing With PMS When On Missions
Author: runespoor7
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kunoichi are women and ninjas. Gen.
Notes: laleia left the title as a prompt for my 'give me the title of a fic I've never written and I'll give you details about it' meme. (laleia, I'm taking the excuse that I actually wrote this fic to forget about the other prompts, tell me if that bothers you terribly and I'll try to do something about it.)


1.

It's that or being pregnant, Kurenai tells herself when the backlash of the genjutsu catches up with her and she struggles against the urge to vomit.

"Kurenai? You're alright?" her teammate asks. The only redeeming thing about the question is that he's not looking at her, but instead has his weapon drawn toward their two attackers. They're not in a state to wake up anytime soon; she used twice the amount of chakra she usually does for this technique, without even realising, but she barely feels it.

"Fine," she answers calmly.


2.

Luckily, Rin is a medic-nin and she also has a good memory for dates. Unluckily, she's an orphan and the woman who taught her on the business of being a medic is dead.

But she has a sensei.

He takes her aside once, not very long after they became a team, and tells her, "Rin-chan, you'll have to tell me about your days so we can figure out something." He looks mildly sympathetic. "There are enemies with an acute sense of smell."

She nods even as she feels herself burning up. Enemies aren't the only ones with an acute sense of smell.

If she lives until then.


3.

"We've been running non-stop for an entire day already! Let’s take a little break!"

Lee turns to smile at her. "Tenten, you lack discipline," he admonishes.

No, she has cramps.


4.

It's not that it's painful, because Ino doesn't feel any different.

It's just that when she's using her possession jutsu, she can't help but worry that when her body fell, the tampon was dislodged. And the concern that there's a stain steadily growing on her clothes makes her just a tiny bit nervous.


5.

If you can't take it, then marry a wealthy civilian and spend one week out of every month lying on your bed in complete darkness.

Tsunade never gives a day off to kunoichi who pretext feminine matters to get out of duty, and never even accepts to hear about it. The first who tried was permanently discharged.

But under Godaime, painkillers for kunoichi become entirely free, and she allots a small portion of the budget to research.


6.

The wind erases Kankuro's voice like writings in the sand, the echo reaching her ears as if he was miles away. A moment later they're huddled behind Kankuro's puppet Sanshouo. The wind howls around them, managing to whip thin lashes of sand past the massive shield, but they're mostly out of reach.

Kankuro spits on the ground, trying to get rid of the sand he got in his mouth in spite of all his efforts when he shouted his puppet's name. Temari smirks at his grimaces.

"Fucking sand – man, at least in Konoha – I don't get how you stand it, Temari, I really don't," he curses, eyeing the slit in Temari's skirt and her bare arms with a disgusted air. Then he spits some more.

Try being on your period, Temari thinks. After that just sand seems pretty tame.


7.

Chakra control is easily disturbed by mood-swings, menses, and even contraceptives.

Sakura is an emotional girl.

Her chakra control is the best since several generations.


8.

Orochimaru-sensei smiles at her while she shuffles.

She wants to die. Her body has betrayed her, betrayed him. Of course he's told her that it happens to every girl, but she's too young, how can she be useful to him, she's broken now.

"It doesn't matter," he assures her. Anko believes him because Orochimaru-sensei never lies, and her eyes close when her hair is slowly stroked by a languid white hand.

Later, she feels a thrill when she realises that the second level of her seal is unaffected.


9.

"She never tires, or what?" Kiba pants. Shino inclines his head without answering, sweat beading on his forehead.

Hinata comes back from between the trees with a bounce in her step and a bundle of wood in her arms that barely prevents her breasts from bouncing as well.

She sets the fire up, humming under her voice, then stands up and, rubbing the dirt off her knees, announces that she'll go fish dinner now.

The two boys watch her saunter off, dumbfounded and almost disgruntled. In the silence, Akamaru whines pathetically.

Kurenai hides her smile. Of all the effects a girl's period can have, it's almost fitting.

Comments

[monique-27.livejournal.com]

...holy WOW this is awesome. *lol*

I love each and every section. It's just great. When I'm more coherent I'll leave some actual concrit, and this will _still_ be f'ing amazing. ;)

*goes off to eat some chocolate and giggle about fic some more*

*^___~*

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Thank youuuu. ^_______^

*bites into chocolate herself*

[hello-scorpling.livejournal.com]

This is going into my memories. ♥
Five and three are my favorites. Ha! I knew Tenten wasn't undisciplined. 8D

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

#^__^#

Three was just asking for it. And Tsunade would. Oh yes she would.

[lita-of-jupiter.livejournal.com]

Very cute!
and poor Rin, I would die of embarrassemt if that
happened to me, and Hinata, if she wans't cheerful
being on a team with males so sensitive to smell and
pheromones would have to make her the kunoichi least
emabarrassed by that

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Rin's situation is made even worse by her crush on Kakashi.

And I'm wondering about Hinata - she was already pretty curvaceous when she was twelve, maybe she already had her periods back then, and thus the boys were used to it without even realising it.

Glad you liked!

[lita-of-jupiter.livejournal.com]

maybe... mine came when I was only eleven so it is possible... they got used to it without realizing...
and I had totally forgotten about Kakashi XD

[somekindofen.livejournal.com]

lol, brilliant!

I loved Rin's part the best... Kakashi must've been real tactless about that, huh? If she lived long enough, le sigh.

Still, very cute idea and well-written, too. Thanks for sharing this, I really enjoyed!

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Poor Rin never has it easy. On top of oblivious teammates and embarrassment, she also gets to worry about growing up in the middle of a war! (well, luckily the Yellow Flash 'figured something out' to dispell the smell before the issue could arise, but yeah, Kakashi would've been totally tactless otherwise.)

[askerian]

ooooh so nice. *_* I don't think there's one of these I don't like, and they're all so fitting. ♥

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked, and glad you thought they were IC! *got the glazed eyes, yay*

[laleia.livejournal.com]

It's great! (And I totally don't mind.) I esp. like #3 (but mostly because I imagine there's a punch somewhere in Lee's future that he's not going to suspect is coming until it has arrived), although I think all of them are perfectly IC, to the best of my knowledge.

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Yay.

(but mostly because I imagine there's a punch somewhere in Lee's future that he's not going to suspect is coming until it has arrived)

I'd like that too, but sadly I don't think Tenten is going to do it. She's probably just going to endure and say nothing. HOPEFULLY Lee will either realise there's a pattern to her 'lacking discipline' or someone else will tell him what it's about. But Tenten will not 'go looking for excuses' and she thinks that she makes up for it every other day.

Mayyyyybe if Lee continues on that trend and once says something particularly obliviously insensitive she'll punch him, but otherwise T_T. I can't see her do it. Or she might put more energy than usual in shaking him awake. That might work. (T_T)

[mariagoner.livejournal.com]

So. Awesome. So. Very. Awesome. I love the very many different ways you have the various kunoichi of the Narutoverse handle their monthly cycles and of course, Hinata kicks SO MUCH ASS in the end. I love her so much! ♥

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Hinata had simply enough issues without me going to add something else on top of that, and it's think that it's contrary and unexpected enough to suit her. (and Kiba and Shino being mildly baffled was a must. yes my precious.)

Glad you liked!

[jingdono.livejournal.com]

Raaaaaaad!

Yes, rad.

Ah, the boys will never understand. Lucky them. Poor Anko.

(I love Anko so much)

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ^_^

Ah, the boys will never understand. Lucky them.

Otoh, girls never have to worry about inappropriate erections. And changing tainted sheets. And being visibly unable to, er, perform.

Poor Anko.

(I love Anko so much)

agreed on both counts.

[jingdono.livejournal.com]

girls never have to worry about inappropriate erections.

Tell me you have fic for that! ^_^

Someone once told me that the only way to deal with an inappropriate erection is to MAKE it appropriate. I never dared to ask what that meant, but I'm sure it meant something.

I'm on the trawl for gooood Anko-fic. My love for her is liek whoa. Evidence? The 15k Anko AU sitting half finished just over there mocking me mercilessly.

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Tell me you have fic for that! ^_^

Alas, I don't.

Rubbing oneself against a conveniently non-objecting female in public may not be appropriate, whatever way you look at it. And that's the only scenario that comes to mind.

My love for her is full of wishes for Anko-fic. But it is also great. And I crackship IruAnko. >_> Oooh, long AU? Do tell? Maybe then it will stop mocking you.

[jingdono.livejournal.com]

Well, you should! I think so, anyway.

Ah, I tell people about the Anko fic by saying they won't like it. You won't. No sane person would. It is, basically, an AU of what would have happened (in my mind) if Oro had kept her. Snippet no jutsu!

Sensei's lessons were particularly sharp, and always correct. He wasted no time on trivialities. Every thing he said was a lesson, pointed, direct. He never bothered to mince words with her, never tried to save her feelings.

"You eat too much," he told her one afternoon. "Food is fuel, and wasted fuel becomes useless fat. It makes you sluggish, heavy. Learn to need less food."

So she did.

Sensei was perfect in that respect. His body was lithe, no extra flesh, all hard muscle and tendon and bone. When she undressed him at night she observed him, the graceful revelation of shockingly pale flesh, and wished that she could be so perfect. Just like him.

She brushed his hair, and that too was perfect. Hers was a nuisance, frizzing in the rain, curling in the heat, generally not being as sleek and black and shining as Sensei's. He told her to grow it or cut it off. She wavered between the two, unwilling to commit. And then, one afternoon, Sensei cut it for her, ragged, with a kunai. It was the sort of thing he did when he was in a mood, like the time he burned all her clothes and told her to wear his robes or nothing at all. They were too big, and so he tore them short, sashing her with a length of cord and binding up her sleeves. It was a new experience, being dressed by Sensei, a reversal of roles. It was something she treasured.

There is also ... pr0n. No-one but me will like this fic >_>

(you have wonderful icons)

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

On principle, the fic wins. In the facts, I want to get my hands on iiiiiiiiiiit pleez.

It was the sort of thing he did when he was in a mood, like the time he burned all her clothes and told her to wear his robes or nothing at all. They were too big, and so he tore them short, sashing her with a length of cord and binding up her sleeves. It was a new experience, being dressed by Sensei, a reversal of roles. It was something she treasured.

I love this part. I find it so beautiful. The entire snippet is very evocative. *me likes*

OroAnko pr0n?

I wouldn't mind reading this fic. >_>

(each was lovingly chosen from talented icon-makers' posts, because I have no icon-making skeelz whatsoever. :D)

[jingdono.livejournal.com]

aaaaaaargh, don't tempt me... 15k is a bit much and I'm not DONE yet. But I appreciate the encouragement and praise! Thankyou :)

It MAY be AnkoOro ... and it may not. I'm a big fan of the AnkoOro, as opposed to the rapetastic OroAnko that seems to be the norm.

(well chosen!)

Oh, how I love you!

[(Anonymous)]

I would hate to be on a team with an Inuzuka (or Kakashi)...poor girls, I hope they don't realize the fact or it would be severely embarrassing for them! (poor Rin...)

Poor Anko! *hugs Anko, then leaps backward as Anko attacks in retaliation*

Hinata's lucky! (& I love the way her teammates are portrayed here...hahahaha...)

I liked Tsunade's snippet. (free painkillers, all around!) Truthfully, painkillers are the only way I can function. My cramps are so bad that I end up nauseous, vomiting, curled up in pain...yes, and then I decide that I hate being a girl...

~Tricia (tricia868@yahoo.com)

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

This was awesome.

I'm not totally sure what you were getting at with Sakura's, though. I do love the idea of her having the best chakra control in generations.

Hinata's cracked me up.

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

I wanted to convey her attitude of 'like I'm going to let something like that stand in my way', but yeah, it ended up too short. >_>

Hinata is the lucky one.

I'm glad you like!

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

Hinata IS the lucky one. And good for her - with her life, she needs as many bonus as she can get.

[sowell.livejournal.com]

Here via redbrunja. This is awesome! Definitely memming.

[la-prime.livejournal.com]

Oh, how bittersweet fic! Fun and realictic at the same time, yesss...
Poor Rin... I really jealous of Hinata, and I glad to see wise Kurenai :)

Would you terribly mind if I translate this to the Russian language and post it to the our Jounin & Chuunin community? (http://www.diary.ru/~Naruto-S-fics) Of course, I'll state that you are author and I'm only translator ))) And all other credits would be saved too. I greatly want to show this fic my friends! :)

And thank you for so wonderful text! :)

[runespoor7.livejournal.com]

Well, I was thinking, Hinata deserves some nice things. Thank you for letting me know you liked it. :D

I'd be honored! Would you mind dropping me a link when you post the story? Not that I understand Russian, just so I can cling to it and feel happy that you liked the story enough to translate it.