runespoor: artemis and m'gann, in civilian clothes, laughing (yj | idiot teenagers with a death wish)
[personal profile] runespoor
Title: ellipsis
Characters: M'gann (Artemis)
Rating: PG
Summary: “He killed you. He deserved-”
Notes: spoilers for 2x10, Before the Dawn.

In her head, she writes countless letters to Artemis. Apologies; explanations.

I'm sorry I wasn't there soon enough I'm sorry I'm sorry

Nobody blames her (Wally's too busy not-blaming Dick), but M'gann knows this is her fault. It was her fault when she didn't see Kaldur's betrayal coming, and that makes he did her fault, too. What good's a mind-reader if they can't even know when one of their friends is being tempted? She should've been more there for Kaldur, at the time. She should've been more practical when he left.

The mission needed me elsewhere; it was something only I could do

Artemis would understand. She didn't blame her when M'gann's control slipped in the mental training simulation.

She's better now; more power, more control. She makes the team better, safer. She'd never hurt a teammate psychically now, she trained and trained and her focus is better than it's ever been. If she was thrown into a mental simulation now – even if she didn't know it – she'd never mistake it for the real thing again. Accidents would never happen.

But she still wasn't good enough.

M'gann's failures always get Artemis killed.

After the funeral she stands by Artemis's memorial in Mount Justice and looks up at Artemis' determined face and none of the things that she has thought up fit. They dissipate like the morning mist, weightless in front of the reality of what has been done.

I'll make him pay, M'gann promises, and she smells something like ozone and blood in the air, and that's a cue these words are a little less wrong.

After she confronts Kaldur and rips his mind apart, there are still flickers of messages to Artemis flitting through her mind. Apologies; explanations.

I'm so, so sorry, I didn't know

Apologies for hurting Kaldur.

He'd killed you, he deserved everything I could do to him. I thought.

Explanations for what she did.

She tries to fit the sentences into a narrative that will make sense, but they jar, pieces of a puzzle that she can't put together. Words aren't the right shape for what she wants to say, too small and not pointed enough. They escape her and trip her up in a web of meanings that muddle the issue. They don't encompass the vastness of her fury, the unfailing certainty of her tearing through Kaldur's mind.

She's fumbling with what she wants to say more than she did when she actually came to Earth. In her mind's eye she sees Artemis, and she still can't find the words. Earth has many vows of revenge, but here M'gann finds its language lacking.

There are no words for a mind-reader's crimes.

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October 2014

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