Then there's the whole pace of the story and the power of your descriptions. One mention that stood out for me and that remained in my memories long after I've read the fic was the mention of getas. This is an absolutely Brilliant usage of show vs tell: it shouldn't have been physically possible for the girl to move so fast in such an attire, indeed faster than Them, but somehow it's happening and she doesn't even make a big deal of it. You can practically sense the horror that Aito feels at that moment. And the verdict comes out: everything took under 2 minutes, and all of Aito's companions are dead and he's squirming pathetically on the floor.
This whole fight was perhaps one ofthe best fighting scenes I have ever read. The added bit on interrogation was nice as well, giving depth to Aito and co. and showing that they are Not stupid, but how could they have been prepared for something so horribly unexpected? Too many fics are written too blandly these days. Naruto uses Kage Bunshin. Naruto kicks. Naruto takes out one of the nameless nins. *yawns*
But in this fic, you actually Feel the battle, you feel the whole intensity and horror that the enemy shinobi are experiencing. You don't bore us with the names of techniques or anything of the likes. You don't go "Hinata uses Jyuuken and melts the enemy shinobi's organs, yippee yay yay," instead you describe the fire that rages through Aito and how his lungs burn and how his whole body seems to tear apart at the so-called "killer intent." And the image of Ume crying pathetically in the corner is all that's needed to remind them that their situation is hopeless.
And through it all, Neji and Hinata are So hot at the end, a lovely play of multiple levels of contrast: between the enemy shinobi's desperate dying situation, and the fact that Neji and Hinata couldn't care less, and between the two's apparently proper presentation, and the intensity of their make-out session. And hell, Neji's checking Hinata out. XD
And at the end of it all, nothing is revealed: who sent the assassins, the exact situation Neji and Hinata are in, anything else. And it doesn't matter. A brilliant usage of the unsaid.
Amazing work! I hope you'll be able to read all this one day, since from what I've understood you haven't been very active on Livejournal. In any case, good luck! Now I have to muster the energy to review your other fics. XP
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-09-29 03:06 pm (UTC)This whole fight was perhaps one ofthe best fighting scenes I have ever read. The added bit on interrogation was nice as well, giving depth to Aito and co. and showing that they are Not stupid, but how could they have been prepared for something so horribly unexpected? Too many fics are written too blandly these days. Naruto uses Kage Bunshin. Naruto kicks. Naruto takes out one of the nameless nins. *yawns*
But in this fic, you actually Feel the battle, you feel the whole intensity and horror that the enemy shinobi are experiencing. You don't bore us with the names of techniques or anything of the likes. You don't go "Hinata uses Jyuuken and melts the enemy shinobi's organs, yippee yay yay," instead you describe the fire that rages through Aito and how his lungs burn and how his whole body seems to tear apart at the so-called "killer intent." And the image of Ume crying pathetically in the corner is all that's needed to remind them that their situation is hopeless.
And through it all, Neji and Hinata are So hot at the end, a lovely play of multiple levels of contrast: between the enemy shinobi's desperate dying situation, and the fact that Neji and Hinata couldn't care less, and between the two's apparently proper presentation, and the intensity of their make-out session. And hell, Neji's checking Hinata out. XD
And at the end of it all, nothing is revealed: who sent the assassins, the exact situation Neji and Hinata are in, anything else. And it doesn't matter. A brilliant usage of the unsaid.
Amazing work! I hope you'll be able to read all this one day, since from what I've understood you haven't been very active on Livejournal. In any case, good luck! Now I have to muster the energy to review your other fics. XP