Eh! I Really should have reviewed a lot sooner, but I tend to be rather slow because I want to leave long reviews for the fics I really like, but that means I have to be in the right mood to even start, and... ah heck, I'm babbling so I'll just give it to you.
First, the characterization.
I just Love the way you've portrayed Neji and Hinata in this fic. There's something undeniably creepy about them, and this is absolutely fitting because they are shinobi and they are Hyuuga so you'd expect them to be rather creepy, especially with the messed-up childhoods that they've had. Aito finally realizes that even the girl is a shinobi and notes that if she's not, then it was Worse. A fitting description for one of the clans with the most ruthlessly efficient killing methods in Konoha.
Neji and Hinata are hot though XD, in a disturbing. *gets bricked* Neji's killer intent (oh yes!), and Hinata with her Lack of killer intent (she must be used to it all, she doesn't even care. The Kabuto influence that's pervasive in your Celebrationverse is also present).
But then there are your OCs. In 99% of fanworks I've read, the OCs are a disaster. But I am absolutely in love with the way you've portrayed yours.
You didn't babble on and on about them, indeed two were killed off from the start. But the main points stand out. They are poor. They don't ask questions. They don't ask questions because they're desperately poor and for once Masuyo was right about the politics, and their very policy is what proves to be their downfall. They never stood a chance, and they didn't even see it coming. Such is the harsh condition of missing-nins. How many other anonymous nins must have fallen this way?
But then there's the brilliant use of Aito's point of view that puts a face on all those anonymous nins that usually get discarded. These people have their own quirks and engage in the human hobby of gossiping. Then there's Aito's cries as he realizes that he didn't even Try to comfort Ume, and then he repeats in his head that she was his Oldest friend. That one line was striking: these shinobi, they may as well have been the Rookie 9. There's this touch of humanity here that contrasts sharply to Neji and Hinata's own inhumanity in this fic. Aito is just like the rest of them and now his oldest friend is dead and he is dying too. And Neji and Hinata don't even care. Yes, they are assassins, but so are the Rookie 9. This sure puts things into perspective. Brilliant!
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2007-09-29 03:04 pm (UTC)First, the characterization.
I just Love the way you've portrayed Neji and Hinata in this fic. There's something undeniably creepy about them, and this is absolutely fitting because they are shinobi and they are Hyuuga so you'd expect them to be rather creepy, especially with the messed-up childhoods that they've had. Aito finally realizes that even the girl is a shinobi and notes that if she's not, then it was Worse. A fitting description for one of the clans with the most ruthlessly efficient killing methods in Konoha.
Neji and Hinata are hot though XD, in a disturbing. *gets bricked* Neji's killer intent (oh yes!), and Hinata with her Lack of killer intent (she must be used to it all, she doesn't even care. The Kabuto influence that's pervasive in your Celebrationverse is also present).
But then there are your OCs. In 99% of fanworks I've read, the OCs are a disaster. But I am absolutely in love with the way you've portrayed yours.
You didn't babble on and on about them, indeed two were killed off from the start. But the main points stand out. They are poor. They don't ask questions. They don't ask questions because they're desperately poor and for once Masuyo was right about the politics, and their very policy is what proves to be their downfall. They never stood a chance, and they didn't even see it coming. Such is the harsh condition of missing-nins. How many other anonymous nins must have fallen this way?
But then there's the brilliant use of Aito's point of view that puts a face on all those anonymous nins that usually get discarded. These people have their own quirks and engage in the human hobby of gossiping. Then there's Aito's cries as he realizes that he didn't even Try to comfort Ume, and then he repeats in his head that she was his Oldest friend. That one line was striking: these shinobi, they may as well have been the Rookie 9. There's this touch of humanity here that contrasts sharply to Neji and Hinata's own inhumanity in this fic. Aito is just like the rest of them and now his oldest friend is dead and he is dying too. And Neji and Hinata don't even care. Yes, they are assassins, but so are the Rookie 9. This sure puts things into perspective. Brilliant!