a. I realized I'd miscalculated and only had enough lettuce for four days of lunch salads. I still have croutons, cranberries, cheese, and
2. Why is it so hard to find a nice red patent leather tote bag? It doesn't even have to be real leather? I would take PVC! But apparently it's not in style now? I don't understand - how does red patent leather ever go out of style?
iii. I went to bed early last night - the past two nights I've had that low-grade fever feeling, with the aches and the chills - and slept okay but I still did not want to get out of bed this morning. I am hopefully going to get some sleep over the weekend.
D. so in the oft-mentioned but still unfinished Thing 1 and Thing 2, I've been trying not to repeat events (it's the same overall story told from two POVs), but I came to a thing that I think has to be told twice - once when it happens, and then once again later, as told by the person it happened to directly. I think that makes it less repetitive? I don't know. I still haven't figured it all out. I've never really done a thing like this before, where it's separate stories rather than just sections from different POVs. I guess we'll see how it works if I ever finish them.
5. Alyssa texted me that she was feeling sad on Wednesday so she put two of the songs from the Flash/Supergirl musical ("Super Friend" and "Put a Little Love in Your Heart") on repeat along with "Hooked on a Feeling," "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)," and the Lego Batman song and found it very cheering. In case you also feel in need of happiness.
Sigh. I am so ready to go home.
Amazon refunded me and told me to reorder and they would pay any shipping costs (hilarious because I have Prime so there are no shipping costs) but it's just inexplicable that this has happened twice within a week. My address has not changed! It's not wrong in my profile! So I don't even know what's going on.
In other news, boss1 said something interesting to me the other day when she was offering condolences, that now with my father gone, we'd get back the younger version of him in our memories. And I was telling L about it, because I've been thinking a lot about it.
It's true that the declining years are top of mind right now, and that's why people telling older stories is so important - he wasn't just an occasionally querulous old man with no short-term memory - he was an active member of his community for a long time, he was loved by his family members, and thought of warmly by his co-workers and friends. He did a lot of quiet good in his way for the people in his life, even if he sometimes seemed overly-strict or demanding with us. And I guess that's the man I want to think of, the one who used to send cheery good morning texts every day, who always made us feel like he wanted us to be happy above all - even if he didn't understand what we claimed we needed for that, he wanted us to have it.
I want to remember how he was always ready to believe in the best of us, and bail us out even when we didn't live up to that (I don't mean actually bailing us out of jail - we never had that experience! but with teachers and other school authorities etc. I will never forget his firm insistence of "My son wouldn't do that!" when he got a call saying my brother had been found passed out drunk in the hotel hallway on the school ski trip. And he never yelled at my brother for it - he just made him pay back the cost of the trip over time, since he was sent home the morning after he arrived without ever even making it onto the slopes. As he later said, he figured the humiliation of being sent home like that and missing out on his trip was punishment enough).
He made his share of mistakes and left us with some annoying baggage, but overall, I think he did way more good than harm in the end. At least, that's how I'd like to remember him.
I ask because I can remember exactly the moment I realized my own mortality -- I mean, I'd known people who had died, before that, including my much beloved grandfather, but I hadn't connected that directly with myself, Farzeen, a plump eight-year old, walking down the hill on my way home from school. I stopped and plucked a dandelion stalk from the ground and brought it to my face. I blew the puffy seeds into the air, watching them disappear. I remember the sky being very blue and particularly cloudless that day.
The thought neatly entered my mind that one day I would die, that the parts that made me me would easily disperse into the universe at large as the head of dandelion. I would cease to exist.
This thought did not give me any particular distress. For the time being, I accepted the future and walked home, dandelion seeds clinging to my hair and clothes.
So, anyway, how about you? When and where did you realize that you were mortal and would one day perish from this earth? Or, if you can't remember, your thoughts about death in general. Are you afraid of it? Do you avoid thinking about it in general (like I do)? Or are you fairly sure there's more than this?
I got a late start on watching The Flash because L and I went to dinner, since she was away thus hadn't been around since my dad died, and I think it was good to watch it without commercials. ( spoilers )
Sign-ups Close- April 7th
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Snippets Due- May 14th
Art Claims Begin- May 17th
Check Point #3- May 28th
Check Point #4- June 11th
Rough Drafts Due- June 18th
Posting Claims Begin- June 21st
Check Point #5- June 25th
Posting Claims Ends- July 2nd
Final Drafts/Art Due- July 8th
Posting- July 8th
I still don't know what I'm signing up with.
( spoilers )
Star Wars Rebels
While I didn't love the droid episode - I generally skip the droid-centric episodes - the Annie Get Your Gun interlude made me laugh out loud. If you can't dig two droids reenacting "Anything You Can Do," you must have something cold and dead inside.
And then there was Twin Suns. ( spoilers )
Back at work. 161 emails to sort through. *cringe*
Anyway, if I could tempt you into either watching it or coming back to it, come back to the more innocent days of 2013-2015, in the form of this AMV which distills the essential elements of Free! (muscles, friendship, subtext that will never become text):
And one that's specifically one about Sousuke/Rin (and so fucking sad!!!):
Description: Soul Exchange is a fanfic and fanart exchange for tropes relating to soulmates and soulbonds. Do you like wrist names? Countdown timers? Non-consensual soulbonding? Then come nominate fandoms, relationships, and tropes, and sign up!
Nominations: March 25 - April 1
Signups: April 3 - April 9
Assignments out: April 10
Default deadline: May 17
Posting deadline: May 20
Gift reveals: When everyone has a gift, but not before May 21.
I mean, two Sundays ago I was visiting him in his room at the rehab facility, watching Star Wars! And now he's gone. (At least he got one more year of St. Joseph's pastries - my sister-in-law brought him one while he was in the rehab place. I think I'd have to go down to Ferrara's to find one today. I don't know that Agata and Valentina has them. I might have to go look.)
My niece wrote and read a really sweet and heartfelt poem at the wake and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. We told stories about him, and it's always so nice to hear from other people's perspectives how liked (even loved) he was - I think because the past couple of years saw his decline cognitively, it's hard to remember that most people hadn't seen that, that they were still used to the man who didn't talk a lot but who usually had good advice or an unexpected flash of humor in conversation.
One of my cousins had a picture of him holding her when she was a year old (and he was ~17) - she said for some reason she'd always carried the picture and just transferred it from wallet to wallet over the years, and she showed it to us and it was a really lovely photograph not just for the memories, but also because it was in brilliant color and hadn't faded at all - it looked like it could have been taken ten years ago instead of 60+.
Considering that neither of them knew him, I thought the priest at the funeral mass and then the priest at the cemetery both did a really good job of talking about him - the three of us have somewhat conflicted or even contentious relationships with the church, but my dad in his day was a lector (he used to love doing the Easter vigil mass with the seven readings? And I have very vivid memories of him practicing the reading from Exodus about pharaoh's chariots and charioteers) and a Eucharistic minister and he was at one time an active member of both the K of C and the Holy Name Society, and he still said his prayers every night - when we were picking the text for the memorial prayer cards my brother was like, "The prayer of St. Francis. He said it every night." and my sister was like, "How do you know that?" and my brother was like, "his bedroom was next to mine. I could hear him!" So that was an easy choice. (I mean, I think we would have chosen it anyway? I think we also chose it for my mother? Because it's a great prayer. Just like we were in basic agreement about the songs for the mass. though I must complain about them changing the wording on certain prayers and responses. My niece was like, they do that to catch out people who haven't been to mass in a while and I don't appreciate being called out like that, but I was like, why would you change a beautifully composed response like "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed" to "I am not worthy to have you under my roof etc." I mean. It's more literal, sure, and more colloquial, but it's mass! It should retain some grandeur of language! Otoh, the cues are the cues, and though I haven't regularly attended mass in fifteen years, I still knew when to sit/stand/kneel because you don't erase all those years of Catholic school and mass attendance. It's just drilled into you. We were talking about how when we were in grammar school, we went to mass every morning during Lent, and my nieces and nephews were like, EVERY MORNING!!! and we were like, yeah, and you just prayed you got Father Gordon, who could bang out a mass in fifteen minutes on a good day, and not Father Vogel, who liked to drone on and on - though I'll be honest, it's Father Vogel's voice that comes back to me when I mouth along with the Eucharistic prayer during the consecration. And also his homilies were always the same 'I do always what is pleasing to the will of my Father.' gosh, it must be thirty years since I heard the man say mass and yet.)
And both the meal between viewings on Friday and the lunch after the funeral yesterday were good celebrations of him, and of our connections with each other, both family and friends. I mean, that's what all this is for, right? The person is gone, all of the other stuff is to help us process our grief and trade stories about them.
We had asked to have the prayers at the grave site, but the cemetery made us do it in the chapel, and my sister and niece were both extremely upset about this (I mean, I was also upset, but it was cold so I was okay with being inside for it) but then, in an example of what my brother-in-law insists is divine providence (not that he used those words), the limo driver couldn't figure out how to exit the cemetery so we were driving around, knowing we had to head north and east, and as we finally pulled up to the exit near the railroad tracks, my sister looked over and was like, "There it is! That's our plot!" and you could see the workmen lowering the casket off a truck and onto whatever they use to put it in the grave. So that was unexpected but good - my b-i-l was like, "that had to be your father. you know he would have been like, 'watch and make sure they put me in the right spot!'" So. Whether you believe in that stuff or not (and I am skeptical but open to the possibility), it makes for a good story.
Anyway, please don't feel obligated to comment. I appreciate the comments I've received already more than I can possibly express, especially since I don't think I'm going to be up for responding yet. Hopefully we'll return shortly to our regular programming of complaining about work and talking about TV shows.
Queen - Play The Game // Fastball - You're An Ocean // Anamanaguchi - My Skateboard Will Go On
Fragments Of Winter - The Loudest Rainbow // Sultan Ned Shepard Ft. Quilla - Walls (Original Mix) // Saxon Shore - This Shameless Moment // Jayme Dee - Tip Toes // The Mowgli's - Say It, Just Say It // Jess Penner - Doesn't Get Better Than This // Frou Frou -Must Be Dreaming // Panic! At The Disco - Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met...) // Ingrid Michaelson - Soldier // Vienna Teng - Stray Italian Greyhound // Carbon Leaf - Life Less Ordinary // The Postal Service - Be Still My Heart // Metro Station - Shake It // Colbie Caillat - Midnight Bottle // Joshua Radin - The Fear You Won't Fall // Bloc Party - This Modern Love // Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over // Regina Spektor - Fidelity // Doves There Goes the Fear // Cherryfalls -
My Drug // A Day To Remember - You Had Me At Hello // The Young Professionals - Video Games (Lana Del Rey cover) Jess Penner - Good Times // Jack's Mannequin - MFEO / You Can Breathe
Character/Pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, some mentions of ensemble, mentions of past Administrator/Saxton Hale
Summary: AU. Sophie Pauling, assistant to one of the biggest (and evilest) media moguls in the world is commanded to scope out the new field of Let's Play celebrities. A gamer named Scout69 makes millions by screaming at video games. As she investigates the man behind the channel, she finds herself surprised, and charmed by him and his world beyond anything she's ever known in her workaholic, out of touch with trends life.
Author's note: This whole thing came about from this exchange I had concerning Introducing The Steam Link.
Scout's LPer intro theme samples this song (Mild NSFW in picture, tons of bikinis haha)
Longfic_bingo: Crossover: any. The crossover in question is Youtuber LPers, though other than the mention of other people shipping Youtubers and faint mentions of Youtubers that have SOs, that part is gen.
For Madie. Hope you feel better. The entire piece is mostly completed, I just wanted to get it out as soon as possible to make your sickness/allergies go better.
( Read more... )
Fandom: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Otabek Altin/Jean-Jacques Leroy, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Otabek Altin & Yuri Plisetsky
Characters: Otabek Altin, Jean-Jacques Leroy, Jean-Jacques Leroy's Family, Isabella Yang, Yuri Plisetsky
Additional Tags: Backstory, significant haircuts, Friends With Benefits, Roommates, Frottage, Regret, Language Kink, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, Otabek and Yuri Are Salt Friends
There was also a possibility that JJ was planning to sabotage him. That would take more malicious intent than Otabek would usually suspect from him -- JJ was more likely to be thoughtless than anything else -- but it was possible.
Otabek and JJ are roommates with issues. Surprisingly, sex does not resolve those issues.
Otabek! JJ! The dueling undercuts! Fighting tooth and nail for the bronze!! As roommates, why not?
This weekend has been a Depeche Mode weekend and I'm satisfied with that. Some covers for you to consider: Luno - Never Let Me Down, KI Theory - Enjoy the Silence.
1. Have you ever been to Ireland?
Does a fever dream of a stopover at Dublin Airport, where I had to schlep my bags through a rabbit's warren of halls and corridors and weirdly hostile workers (I think they might have been renovating), confused and disoriented and almost missing my connection to Frankfort and vowing never to buy bottom of the barrel airline tickets again -- does this count? It felt like an starter for Hell, honestly.
But that doesn't count -- you can't judge a country by its airport, it would be incredibly unfair.
2. According to Facts about Ireland, 73% of Americans are unable to locate Ireland on a map bereft of country names. Whether you are American or not, can you find it on a map?
I have doubts about this fact! It seems ... pretty high? I feel like more people would simply not care about where Ireland was on a map. It's easy to find, anyway, it's right next to the upright dildo that is Britain.
3. Are you or do you know a natural redhead?
I was once totally in love with a redhead (with dark auburn hair and freckles on her face) who was a year ahead of me in high school -- we took AP Biology together. She graduated and then came back to talk to the students about coming out as a lesbian. Afterward, the old Bio class had lunch in the lab and she told me I was brilliant. I went to wash my hands and whispered thank you to the wall.
In seven years, ever cell in your body changes, but it's been ten years since I've seen her.
4. Will you be celebrating St Patrick's Day?
I wore a green tunic and didn't get bullied at work. I don't really celebrate...
Actually, I grew up in Saint Paul, which was a very self-consciously Irish-American town back in the day (the parts that weren't Swedish or Jewish or African-American coming up from the Great Migration) and I remember exactly when Jesse "The Body" Ventura (an earlier politician who wasn't a "politician" before Trump -- he had been a wrestler before he became governor) said that the street names in Saint Paul have no rhyme or reason (this is true) which he blamed on drunken Irishmen (not true.) Was it the last time an American politician blamed the Irish for something they didn't do?
Not at all, just today Cheetolini shared an old Irish proverb that turned out to be written by Nigerian banker in the early part of this century. But isn't that the fate of most old Irish proverbs?
5. Do you even know who St. Patrick is and why we celebrate his day?
What I really want to know is that if he drove out all the snakes in Ireland, didn't the vermin take over and eat everything? He upset the natural balance! Also, does Ireland even have snakes? Doesn't seem like it's got a kind of climate that would support a lot of snakes -- even the cute little grass snakes.
ANYWAY. COME VISIT ME, IN A PLACE FAR FROM IRELAND (BUT ALSO VERY RESTRICTIVE ON A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE) THAT STILL HAS ALL ITS SNAKES.
Yesterday, we went and made the arrangements, and it was pretty stress-free as these things go. I think it helps that we all get along and don't really disagree on a lot in terms of how this stuff ought to go? My father would not have wanted a lot of fuss and so we're keeping it simple in tune with that.
My brother was telling us that the cardiologist who had seen him on Friday night when he was admitted to the hospital called him on Tuesday to offer sincere condolences. According to my brother, he ended up consoling the doctor, who was like, "When I saw your father on Sunday, I couldn't believe it was the same man I'd examined on Friday. We had a conversation! He was improving in all ways, every indication was we were bringing him back! So to find out on Tuesday that he was gone was a shock." And my brother was like, "To us too!" But as we joked, he died doing what he loved - eating. (I believe I mentioned he was having trouble swallowing? And they did the swallowing test and said he should have soft food and thick liquids, and they believe he aspirated on his breakfast and that's what killed him. Not that he didn't still have all the other problems to come back from.)
Also showing that our minds run along similar tracks for some things, when this all started, I was like, "oh shit, I better replace the money I took from the savings account where the proceeds from the sale of the house were deposited, because if he has to go into a nursing home, they're going to come looking for it!" And my brother was like, "watch him survive for the next ten years in a nursing home! the money was two years from being free and clear!" And when I mentioned to my sister that once all the dust was settled I would start looking for a condo using the house money, she was like, "when Dom told me he coded and came back, I thought, the money is free and clear for vic to use! and then it wasn't!" But now it is. Sigh.
All of which is to say, if you live in the US and your parents are getting up there in age and they own a house or have retirement savings etc., you might want to start thinking about how to manage that so that if something happens and they do require institutional Medicaid, their retirement money doesn't just get funneled into paying for a nursing home. (see Medicaid's Asset Transfer Rules and obviously consult with a lawyer as I am not one nor do I play one on the internet. I'm just speaking from personal experience here.)
My father was usually on top of this sort of thing - he managed it with his own mother etc. - but for some reason, even though he told me all the time that he was going to transfer the house to my name so that it couldn't be touched under these circumstances, he never actually did it. So when we sold the house in July 2014, even though the money was all transferred to an account in my name, if he'd needed a nursing home before July 2019, the govt would have come looking for it and so while I dipped into it from time to time to cover expenditures (mainly my new laptop and iPad), I generally paid it back just in case. Now, once the funeral expenses are covered, I should be able to start looking for a place to live/buy. That's one thing I can say for sure I know both my parents wanted for me (the reason I get the house money instead of it being split three ways is because my brother and sister both own houses - he discussed this with all of us and they've been supportive of the idea because the one think I've said repeatedly is that I don't want to fight about money.)
Anyway! The point is, things happen, especially when people start getting older, so be prepared.